Humor: The Lawyer

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.  

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate… 

He asked one man, “Why are you eating  grass?” 

“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.  “We have to eat grass.”  

“Well, then, you can come with  me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said. 

“But sir, I  have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.” 

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. 

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us, also.” 

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!” 

“Bring them all, as  well,” the lawyer answered..  

They all entered the car, which  was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine  was. 

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer  and said, “Sir, you are too kind.”  

“Thank you for taking all of us  with you.” 

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. 

“You’ll  really love my place. 

“The grass is almost a foot high . 

Source: Active Rain; The Optimist Group.

Friday Humor: A Blonde’s Perspective (2 jokes)

PREGNANT BLONDE

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy! 

I didn’t know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, ‘what the heck’ and I starting jumping up and down along with her. 

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”

She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant.

I knew she’d been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said, “There’s more.”

I asked, “What do you mean there’s more?”

She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby.

We are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant,

I asked her how she knew. She said….

“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam’s Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack.  Both tests came out positive!”

BLONDE PUZZLE

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nicecup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh. .. . … .. ..

“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

July 2009 Real Estate Stats Released for Greater Nashville

HOME SALES TOP 2,000 FOR SECOND CONSECUTIVE MONTH

There were 2,214 home closings reported for the month of July, according to figures provided by the Greater Nashville Association of REALTORS®. This represents an 11 percent decrease from the 2,488 closings reported for the same period last year.

Year-to-date closings for the Greater Nashville area are 11,454. That is a decrease of 26 percent from the 15,485 closings reported through July 2008.

“There were more than 2,000 closings in July, which makes two consecutive months at that level. And, there are more than 2,000 sales pending for the third consecutive month, which creates a positive outlook for next month, as well,” said GNAR president Mike Nichols. “Clearly, sales continue to decrease, but it is encouraging to see the rate of that decline improve so dramatically since the beginning of the year.”

There were 2,147 sales pending at the end of July, compared with 2,394 pending sales at this time last yearThe average number of days on the market for a single-family home was 87 days.

The median residential price for a single-family home during July was $171,100, and for a condominium it was $142,146.  This compares with last year’s median residential and condominium prices of $179,995 and $162,900, respectively.

Inventory at the end of July was 24,592, down from 25,023 in July 2008.

“Value is one of the most significant terms for potential home buyers right now. There is a good amount of inventory available, though slightly less than last year. And, prices are lower than a year ago,” added Nichols. “It is important to be aware that interest rates have shown some upward trends recently and the $8,000 tax credit is scheduled to end soon. So, those who are considering the purchase of a home may want to consider acting before circumstances change and costs increase.”

Source:  Greater Nashville Association of Realtors®; Press Release 081009

First-Time Home Buyers Tax Credit Expires December 1, 2009

Take advantage of the First-Time Home Buyer Tax Credit before it expires on December 1, 2009.

HELPFUL INFORMATION:  http://www.bargers-solutions.com/FTHBtaxcredit.html

Friday Humor: A joke from “Maxine”…

MaxineI was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately need to pass gas.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. – I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I-Pod.