A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight.
They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to him, “So, tell me, how was it?”
“Oh, it was beautiful,” says the man. “The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we–”
His friend interrupts him. “A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?”
“Oh,” says the man, “we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday…”
We can make it work…
A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell.
“Marry him anyway, dear.” the Mother said. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how *wrong* he is.”
Oh, not another blonde joke…
A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn’t done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.
To her disappointment, there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
“I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape but static,” she says. “Sorry about that. We’ve had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?” the clerk replies.
“Head Cleaner,” Mary replies.
Two Dwarfs and Two Hookers…
Two dwarfs pick up two hookers and take them to their hotel rooms.
The first dwarf not only can’t get an erection, but all night he has to listen to the other dwarf and the other hooker grunting “One, two three, uhh…one, two three, uhh…”
In the morning, the second dwarf says to the first dwarf, “So how was it?”
The first dwarf says, “It sucked. I couldn’t get a hard-on all night.”
The second dwarf says, “You think that’s bad? I couldn’t even get up on the bed.”