PRIEST’S RETIREMENT DINNER
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
‘I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.’…
Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
‘I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,’ said the politician. ‘In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.’
Moral : Never, Never, Never Be Late
PRAISE THE LORD!
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God ‘ Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’ What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, So I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson burst out laughing. Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!
Will write again soon, Love, Grandma
My friend’s husband recently called home one Friday morning and told his wife, Anne, he’d been asked to fly to Canada with his boss and some friends for several days of fishing.
Anne was a little taken back, but her husband insisted that this was a good opportunity to get that promotion he’d been wanting.
She relented, and agreed to pack clothes for the weekend, and even climb up into the attic for his rod and tackle box.
He told Anne they’d be leaving around 4:30pm and said he’d swing by the house to pick up his things.
At the end of the conversation he added, “Oh, please pack my new silk pajamas too.”
Now Anne thought this all sounded a little odd, but went ahead with the packing.
Sunday evening when her husband returned looking tired, she asked if he caught many fish.
He said they had caught Walleyes, Bass and Pike. Then he asked, “How come you didn’t pack my blue silk PJ’s?”
Anne, with a sly smile said, “I did, they’re in your tackle box!
A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.
After the wedding, the new husband laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you.”
“I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.”
“I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it.”
Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me.”
“Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night ……….whether you’re here or not.”