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LOL Friday! The Physical…

The Physical

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results.

Dr. Smith said, “George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?”

George replied, “God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof!…the light goes on and I go to the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!”

“Wow,” commented Dr. Smith, ‘That’s incredible!”

A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George’s wife. “Thelma,” he said, “George is just fine. Physically he’s great. But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?”

Thelma replied, “Oh God! He’s peeing in the fridge again!”

May 4, 2012 Posted by | humor | , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Survey: Moves for Job Relocations on the Rise

Survey: Moves for Job Relocations on the Rise

Daily Real Estate News | Wednesday, May 02, 2012… After a slowdown in corporate moves the past few years, more companies are planning to get their employees moving, according to a new survey.

Twenty-six percent of companies plan to relocate more workers this year than last year, according to the 2012 Corporate Relocation Survey, conducted by Atlas Van Lines.

The top places for corporate moves is the Northeast (42 percent), followed by the Midwest (37 percent), South (31 percent), and the West (26 percent).

The Atlas Van Lines survey also found that:

  • 86% of companies plan to spend as much or more on relocation in 2012 than in 2011.
  • More companies are also now offering relocating employees full reimbursement, not just lump sum or partial reimbursement.
  • 52% of all relocations last year were for new hires.
  • The most frequently moved employees in 2011 are employees aged 36-40.

Some Employees Decline to Move:

In 2011, 57 percent of companies say that employees declined a relocation. The top reasons that employees said they did not want to relocate:

  • Housing and mortgage concerns: 71%
  • Family issues/ties: 64%
  • Personal reasons: 42%

Source: Daily Real Estate News (article Wednesday, May 02, 2012); Atlas Van Lines, 2012 Corporate Relocation Trends | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

May 3, 2012 Posted by | real estate, relocation | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

LOL Friday! Aphorisms of Cynicism…

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don’t like?

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Buying a lie is one thing, giving it away for free is quite another.

Be your own hero, it’s cheaper than a movie ticket.

I don’t want any “yes-men” around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Never deprive someone of hope — it may be all they have.

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?

April 27, 2012 Posted by | humor | , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

March Pending Home Sales Rise, Market Recovering

Article by: National Association of REALTORS®; Daily Real Estate News, Thursday, April 26, 2012

MARCH PENDING HOME SALES RISE, MARKET RECOVERING

Pending home sales increased in March and are well above a year ago, another signal the housing market is recovering, according to the National Association of REALTORS®.

The Pending Home Sales Index, a forward-looking indicator based on contract signings, rose 4.1 percent to 101.4 in March from an upwardly revised 97.4 in February and is 12.8 percent above March 2011 when it was 89.9.  The data reflects contracts but not closings.

The index is now at the highest level since April 2010 when it reached 111.3.

Lawrence Yun, NAR chief economist, said 2012 is expected to be a year of recovery for housing.  “First quarter sales closings were the highest first quarter sales in five years.  The latest contract signing activity suggests the second quarter will be equally good,” he said.

“The housing market has clearly turned the corner.  Rising sales are bringing down inventory and creating much more balanced conditions around the county, which means home prices will be rising in more areas as the year progresses,” Yun said.

Pending Home Sales Index by Region:

  • Northeast: slipped 0.8 percent to 78.2 in March but is 21.1 percent above March 2011.
  • Midwest: declined 0.9 percent to 93.3 but is 16.9 percent higher than a year ago.
  • South: rose 5.9 percent to an index of 114.1 in March and are 10.6 percent above March 2011.
  • West: increased 8.7 percent in March to 108.0 and is 9.0 percent above a year ago.

Source: NAR; Daily Real Estate News (April 26, 2012) | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, a proud member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

April 26, 2012 Posted by | economy, real estate | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

LOL Friday! The Bridge Club Meets Every Thursday…

The Bridge Club Meets Every Thursday…

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time.

“Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He’s going to be so angry if it’s not ready on time.” And she dashes out of her friend’s house, her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up.

She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it! “Mmmm, darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!” And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!

Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified.

“You’re going to kill him,” they say, or “He’s just yanking your chain,” but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.

Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. “You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?”

The wife stoically replied, “I didn’t kill him. He fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass.”

April 20, 2012 Posted by | humor | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

LOL Friday! Bragging at a Cocktail Party…

Bragging at a Cocktail Party…

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it’s clear that they’re trying to one-up each other.

The first one says, “My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation,” and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.

The second one says, “Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes,” and looks about with considerable pride.

Young woman number three says, “Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don’t have much money and we don’t have many material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that fourteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis.”

After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, “Girls, I’ve got a confession to make: I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it’s not to the French Riviera, it’s to my folks’ house in Terre Haute for two weeks.”

The second one says, “Your honesty has shamed me. It’s not a Mercedes; it’s a Plymouth.”

“Well, I’ve got a confession to make myself, said the third woman: Canary number fourteen has to stand on one leg.”

April 13, 2012 Posted by | humor | , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Buyer Urgency Improves, More See Now Good Time to Buy per MSN Real Estate

Article by: Daily Real Estate News (April 11, 2012); MSN Real Estate (April 9, 2012)

Buyer Urgency Improves, More See Now Good Time to Buy

More home buyers may jump off the sidelines this spring as they get more urgent about purchasing a home, fearing that home price and mortgage rate increases are on the horizon.

Housing surveys in recent weeks have shown that more Americans are seeing now a great time to purchase a home. In the most recent survey, 73 percent of Americans say now is a good time to buy, according to the latest Fannie Mae Housing Survey conducted in March. That’s up from 70 percent in February who said it was a great time to buy.

“Conditions are coming together to encourage people to want to buy homes,” says Doug Duncan, Fannie Mae’s chief economist. “With an increasing share of consumers expecting higher mortgage rates and home prices over the next 12 months, some may feel that renting is becoming more costly and that home ownership is a more compelling housing choice.”

Indeed, more buyer urgency is evident in the market. Thirty-three percent of those surveyed by Fannie say they expect home prices soon to increase, which is the highest percentage in a year. What’s more, nearly 40 percent say they expect mortgage rates to rise in the next year too, which is also up from previous surveys.

Coupled with that, 48 percent of Americans say they expect rents to continue to climb, and 44 percent say they expect their financial situation to improve in the next year.

Source: “More Americans Think It’s Time to Buy a Home,” MSN Real Estate (April 9, 2012); Daily Real Estate News (April 11, 2012) | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, a proud member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

April 12, 2012 Posted by | real estate | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

LOL Friday! a senior bikini???

April 6, 2012 Posted by | humor | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

30-Year Mortgage Rates Slide Back Below 4%

30-Year Mortgage Rates Slide Back Below 4%

Mortgage rates were down across the board this week compared to last week, according to Freddie Mac’s weekly mortgage market survey.

After posting a big jump last week, 30-year mortgage rates were back below the 4 percent mark this week, offering another boost in home affordability for buyers.

Here’s a closer look at rates for the week ending March 29:

  • 30-year fixed-rate mortgages: averaged 3.99 percent, with an average 0.7 point, falling back from last week’s 4.08 percent average. A year ago at this time, 30-year rates averaged 4.86 percent.
  • 15-year fixed-rate mortgages: averaged 3.23 percent, with an average 0.8 point, also slipping from last week’s 3.30 percent average. Last year, 15-year rates averaged 4.09 percent at this time.
  • 5-year adjustable-rate mortgages: averaged 2.90 percent this week, with an average 0.8 point, dropping from last week’s 2.96 percent average. The 5-year ARM averaged 3.70 percent last year at this time.
  • 1-year ARMs: averaged 2.78 percent this week, with an average 0.6 point, dropping from last week’s 2.84 percent average. A year ago, 1-year ARMs averaged 3.26 percent.

Source: Freddie Mac; Daily Real Estate News (March 30, 2012) | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, a proud member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

March 31, 2012 Posted by | economy, real estate | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

LOL Friday! Climbing the Ladder to Success…

Climbing the Ladder to Success…

A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds.

Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds.

He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair….. She looks at him, beckons, and says, “Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success.”

Well, having no intention of doing *anything* with this woman, the man climbs higher up the ladder.

A bit further on, he comes upon a woman slightly less ugly than the woman before. Not attractive, by any means, but not repugnant. “Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success, “she says.

Again, the man elects to continue his climb.

Before long, he comes upon another woman. This one is actually attractive. Not a knock-out, but very pleasing. “Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success.”

Well, he figures the women keep getting better and better looking as he gets higher and higher. So he decides to continue climbing.

A bit farther up is the most gorgeous woman he’s ever seen in his life! Miss America beautiful. In a sultry voice she says, “Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success.”

Well, needless to say he is *very* tempted. But he just can’t imagine what could top this woman, so he decides to climb higher.

On the next cloud up is a horrid 500 lb man. You can see the lice in his hair, he stinks, his clothes are ratty….. “Who are you?” our climber asks in horror.

Grinning a toothless grin, the man looks at him and says, “Hi. I’m Cess.

March 30, 2012 Posted by | humor | , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

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