A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Listen,” he says to the bartender. “If i show you the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen, is my beer on the house?” “We’ll See,” says the bartender.

So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play.

“Impressive,” says the bartender, “but I’ll need to see more.”

“Hold on,” says the man.

He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings “Old Man River.”

A patron jumps up from his table and shouts “That’s absolutely incredible! I’ll give you $100 right now for the frog.”

“Sold,” says the guy.

The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves.

“It’s none of my business,” says the bartender, “but you just gave away a fortune.”

“Not really,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

Daily Real Estate News | Monday, May 21, 2012… For the median-income family, buying a home has never been more affordable, new surveys by the National Association of REALTORS® and National Association of Home Builders show.

Housing affordability reached a record high for the second-straight quarter in the first three months of this year, the National Association of Home Builders/Wells Fargo Housing Opportunity index shows. Nearly 78 percent of all new and existing homes sold in the first quarter this year were affordable to families earning the national median income of $65,000, according to the index.

NAR’s quarterly Housing Affordability Index also showed a record high in affordability in the first quarter. NAR first began keeping records on affordability in 1970.

According to NAR’s index, the median-income family earning under $61,000 could afford a home costing $325,000 — more than double the national median existing single-family home price of $158,100.

“The median monthly mortgage principal and interest payment for a median-priced home would take only 13.5 percent of gross income,” according to NAR’s affordability index.

Buyers Struggle to Take Advantage

However, while affordability remains high, many home buyers are still being shut out of the market and are unable to take advantage of the deals due to tight lending conditions, housing experts say.

“For those with good credit, we’ve never seen better housing affordability conditions or market opportunities than we see at present,” says Moe Veissi, NAR’s president. “Although home prices are stabilizing and sales are rising, some buyers still have to jump through a lot of hoops to convince a lender that they are creditworthy, even for a mortgage that would be well within their means. This is especially true for self-employed buyers.”

Indeed, Barry Rutenberg, NAHB’s chairman, echoes those comments, adding that “without this significant hurdle, the housing and economic recovery could be proceeding at a much stronger pace.”

Where Affordability Is the Highest

Some of the most affordable housing markets in the first quarter, according to the NAHB/Wells Fargo Index are:

Indianapolis-Carmel, Ind. (where 95.8 percent of the homes sold during the first quarter were affordable to households earning the area’s median family income of $66,900)

1. Dayton, Ohio
2. Lakeland-Winter Haven, Fla.
3. Modesto, Calif.
4. Grand Rapids-Wyoming, Mich. (tied for fifth place)
5. Buffalo-Niagara Falls, N.Y. (tied for fifth place)

Meanwhile, the least affordable housing market continued to be New York-White Plains-Wayne, N.Y.-N.J., a title which it has held for 16-straight quarters, according to the NAHB/Wells Fargo index. Only 31.5 percent of the homes sold in the first three months were affordable to those earning the median income in the area of $68,200.

Source: Melissa Dittmann Tracey, REALTOR® Magazine Daily News | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

Daily Real Estate News | Thursday, May 17, 2012… The first quarter of 2012 was the best first quarter for real estate in five years, and pending contracts suggest that the second quarter of 2012 will be the best second quarter in five years, NAR Chief Economist Lawrence Yun said this morning at the Residential Economic Update during the NAR Midyear Legislative Meetings & Trade Expo.

Moreover, he said the second half of this year could be even better than the first, in part because of continued increases in rental costs and record affordability of homes. “Renters are getting squeezed, and they don’t want to rent anymore,” Yun explained. “This could be the year we see the release of pent-up demand.”

Home prices have been skipping along the bottom for about a year now, Yun said, a trend that has drawn investors into the market. These investors have helped housing through a couple of difficult years and partly mitigated the dysfunctional mortgage market.

“Right now is the time to buy low,” he said. “Investors are coming in to take advantage. Second homes started to recover nicely last year because of investors.”

However, home values are poised for a rebound as more traditional buyers move back into the market, Yun said. In fact, this has already started to happen in areas such as Phoenix and Miami, which have seen year-over-year (March 2011 to March 2012) double-digit percentage increases in home prices.

As real estate improves, consumer psychology around home ownership will change, he added. Coupled with the recent — if relatively modest — job growth and stock market gains, conditions are right for a sustained housing recovery.

Future Challenges

Nonetheless, there are issues that could restrain a turnaround in housing. Mortgages are still too hard to come by, the shadow inventory — while declining — remains historically high, and price inflation is rising “above the Fed’s comfort level,” Yun said.

To address that last problem, the Federal Reserve will likely raise rates in 2013 and 2014. Yet Yun contends a modest rise in interest rates wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing for the housing market. That’s because an increase in rates would cause financial institutions to focus their mortgage servicing departments on purchase loans instead of refis.

The biggest challenge, though, remains the murky political and regulatory environment, particularly the repeated threats from legislators and policymakers to alter or eliminate the mortgage interest deduction. Additionally, the country is racing toward a “fiscal cliff” on Jan. 1, 2013, the date by which a compromise federal budget must be approved. If this is delayed, there will be automatic government spending cuts, which would probably create a fallout effect in the financial markets.

U.S. Migration Patterns

In a presentation preceding Yun’s, Fed Economist Raven Molloy went over data that showed migration within the United States had fallen across practically all demographic categories since the 1980s. This has significant implications for real estate, as a decline in the number of people moving around within the country can translate into a decline in home-purchase activity.

There were no sharp moves downward in internal migration during the recession, which suggests the trend is not connected to the housing market or macro-economic cycles, Molloy said. If this was the case, migration would likely increase in the next few years as the job market improves and household formation picks up. Instead, it could remain flat or fall as the economy recovers.

In his presentation, Yun said this trend, which doesn’t have a clear source, is a problematic development.

“It’s troubling,” he said. “We want to have a very dynamic society where people can move up and trade up.”

Source: Brian Summerfield, REALTOR® Magazine; Daily Real Estate News (May 17, 2012) | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.”

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving.”

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.”

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear.

She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t someone just say so?”

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

He said, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”

A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

“Not very long.” they answered in unison.

“Why didn’t you stay out longer and catch more?”

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

“But what do you do with the rest of your time?”

“We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives.
In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.

We have a full life.”

The tourist interrupted,

“I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat.”

“And after that?”

“With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City!

From there you can direct your huge new enterprise.”

“How long would that take?”

“Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years.” replied the tourist.

“And after that?”

“Afterwards? Well my friend, that’s when it gets really interesting,” answered the tourist, laughing. “When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!”

“Millions? Really? And after that?” asked the fishermen.

“After that you’ll be able to retire,
live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your children,
catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife
and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends.”

“With all due respect sir, but that’s exactly what we are doing now. So what’s the point wasting twenty-five years?” asked the Mexicans.

AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS: Know where you’re going in life…. you may already be there!

Source: e-blast from Greg Barbour, Dallas TX

Daily Real Estate News | Tuesday, May 15, 2012… Housing affordability conditions for all buyers reached a milestone in the first quarter, according to the National Association of REALTORS®.

NAR’s composite quarterly Housing Affordability Index rose to a record high of 205.9 in first quarter, based on the relationship between median home price, median family income and average mortgage interest rate. The higher the index, the greater the household purchasing power. This is the first time the quarterly index broke the 200 mark; recordkeeping began in 1970.

NAR President Moe Veissi said market conditions are optimal for home buyers. “For those with good credit, we’ve never seen better housing affordability conditions or market opportunities than we see at present,” he said. “Although home prices are stabilizing and sales are rising, some buyers still have to jump through a lot of hoops to convince a lender that they are creditworthy, even for a mortgage that would be well within their means. This is especially true for self-employed buyers.”

Veissi noted home sales would be much higher if lending standards would return to normal.

The index shows the median-income family, earning just under $61,000, could afford a home costing $325,500 in the first quarter, which is more than double the national median existing single-family home price of $158,100. The median monthly mortgage principal and interest payment for a median-priced home would take only 13.5 percent of gross income.

A companion index measuring the ability of first-time buyers to purchase a home also set a record, with the first-time buyer index reaching 135.8 in the first quarter.

Assumptions for the first-time buyer index include a lower income, at 65 percent of median family income, a starter home costing 85 percent of the median price, and a down payment of 10 percent. This index means the typical entry-level buyer could afford a home costing $182,500, which is well above the overall median price.

“It’s never been easy to buy a first home because of the cash required for down payment and closing costs, but conditions for first-time buyers who are able to get a mortgage have never been better,” Veissi explained.

Most first-time buyers choose a loan with a lower down payment, often an FHA-insured loan with 3.5 percent down, and some use the VA program with no down payment.

Both home prices and mortgage interest rates are expected to edge up modestly as the year progresses, but housing affordability will remain very favorable with the median-income household well positioned to afford a median-priced home. For all of 2012 the index is projected to set an annual record, averaging 191 for the year.

Source: National Association of Realtors (NAR) | Blog distribution provided by Kenneth Bargers and Bargers Solutions, member of Pilkerton Realtors, residential real estate services located in Nashville, Tennessee

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married.

They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in.

He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts.”