Kenneth Bargers Blog

SOUTHERN …for all of us that were born, raised, and our friends that have transplanted to the South!

SOUTHERN WOMEN

Southern women know their summer weather report:

• Humidity
• Humidity
• Humidity 

Southern women know their vacation spots:

• The beach
• The rivuh
• The crick 

Southern women know everybody’s first name:

• Honey
• Darlin’
• Shugah 

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:

• Fried Green Tomatoes
• Driving Miss Daisy
• Steel Magnolias
• Gone With The Wind 

Southern women know their religions:

• Baptist
• Methodist
• Football 

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:

• Chawl’stn
• S’vanah
• Foat Wuth
• N’awlins
• Addlanna 

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:

• Men in uniform
• Men in tuxedos
• Rhett Butler 

Southern girls know their prime real estate:

• The Mall
• The Country Club
• The Beauty Salon 

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:

• Having bad hair and nails
• Having bad manners
• Cooking bad food 

SOUTHERNISMS

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”

Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.

All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, …. and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.

In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … and go your own way.

June 15, 2009 - Posted by kbargers | entertainment, humor, Nashville, tennessee | humor, south, southern