A day in the life of a dog and cat…
Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary……
- 8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
- 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
- 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
- 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
- 12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
- 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
- 3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
- 5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
- 7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
- 8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
- 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity… My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…………….
SOUTHERN …for all of us that were born, raised, and our friends that have transplanted to the South!
SOUTHERN WOMEN
Southern women know their summer weather report:
- Humidity
- Humidity
- Humidity
Southern women know their vacation spots:
- The beach
- The rivuh
- The crick
Southern women know everybody’s first name:
- Honey
- Darlin’
- Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
- Fried Green Tomatoes
- Driving Miss Daisy
- Steel Magnolias
- Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions:
- Baptist
- Methodist
- Football
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
- Chawl’stn
- S’vanah
- Foat Wuth
- N’awlins
- Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
- Men in uniform
- Men in tuxedos
- Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
- The Mall
- The Country Club
- The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
- Having bad hair and nails
- Having bad manners
- Cooking bad food
SOUTHERNISMS
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them, you “PITCH” them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, …. and when we’re “in line,”… we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,”Bless her heart” … and go your own way.
Humor…Grandmas don’t know everything…
Grandmas don’t know everything..
Little Tony was 7 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.
He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
‘Grandma, what’s that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?’
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. ‘It’s called sex, darling.’
Little Tony said, ‘Oh, OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandma, it isn’t called sex. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.’
Greater Nashville Home Sales Continue Recent Trends; Pending Sales Reach 2000
There were 1,783 home closings reported for the month of May, according to figures provided by the Greater Nashville Association of REALTORS®. This figure represents a 28.9 percent decrease compared with 2,508 closings in May of 2008.
Year-to-date closings are down compared to last with year with 7,149. That is a 31.2 percent decrease compared to the 10,406 closings reported through May 2008.
There were 2,000 sales pending at the end of May, compared with 2,489 pending sales at this time last year. The average number of days on the market for a single-family home was 92 days.
The median residential price for a single-family home during May was $169,900 and for a condominium it was $156,250. This compares with last year’s median residential and condominium prices of $189,975 and $159,000, respectively.
Inventory at the end of May was 25,096, down from 24,598 in 2008.
“This is the first time since September of last year that we have seen pending sales at the 2,000 level ,” Nichols added. “For buyers, this is a very important time. Many factors remain in their favor with interest rates low, inventory plentiful and even support from government programs. However, those factors will not remain that way indefinitely. If interest rates increase, that could add significantly to the cost of a home. So, acting now would be to their advantage. For sellers, making their homes attractive and pricing them properly is critical to getting them sold.“
Source: Greater Nashville Association of REALTORS®
Humor…Top 10 Golf Caddy Comments!
#10 Golfer: “I think I am going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”
#9 Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
#8 Golfer: “Do you think that my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
#7 Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually!”
#6 Golfer: “You got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: “I don’t think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”
#5 Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time.”
Caddy: “It’s not a watch, it is a compass.”
#4 Golfer: “How do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally I prefer golf..”
#3 Golfer: “Do you think it is a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it is a sin on any day.”
#2 Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”
AND THE #1 BEST CADDY COMMENT …
Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it is too old.”
Caddy: “It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
July 4th is fast approaching and it is time for one of the largest Independence Day celebrations in the United States. Nashville’s Department of Tourism and the Nashville Convention & Visitors Bureau has announced the schedule for this Saturday’s Riverfront activities.
Do you have good balance of work and personal time? I thought I did until it hit me hard over these past few days that I need to take more time and enjoy life, family and friends. 





